you might as well wear a condom on your head if you’re gonna act like a dick
Miley: “Dad I have something for Tanners bug collection”
my uncle: “that’s great”
Miley: “it’s a bird”
my uncle: “no its not”
They let it go and it flew away just fine, so we’re wondering how she caught it.
she caught another bird.
update: she caught a squirrel today
She is gonna rule the world one day with this power
Steve Irwin has been reborn
yesterday i went to the library to read because im a nerdy girl and i love to read, unlike most girls. (: anyway i was reading twilight and tHEN I SAW ANOTHER GUY READING TWILIGHT AND HE CAME OVER AND STARTED FINGERING ME AND THEN HIS MOM SHOWED UP AND LIT HIM ON FIRE OMG THEN I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD TUMBLR AND SHES LIKE “SUPERWHOLOCK” AND GAVE ME HER URL AND IM SCREAMING
no but what pisses me off is when parents dont let boys and girls hang out as friends like especially when it comes to sleepovers
like no i dont want his dick in me i want to sit on my floor and throw board game pieces at him when i lose
finally someone said it
i’m literally coming to the realization that i’m not close to anybody anymore and it sucks
Today we’re going to go on a class trip! *hands out acid*
I want a superhero movie where the hero dies in the first ten minutes and the woman who was supposed to be the love interest puts on his costume and becomes an even better hero.
I want all of the advertising to be for the hero and none of the marketing to even allude to this death.
imagine all the male tears
Oh my god! Yes!
when someone cries because you said something nice to them, they’re someone who you need to protect because they haven’t seen enough kindness in the world.